Less Sharing, More Living: The hidden cost of social media.

If you’ve noticed, and you probably haven’t, I’ve been quiet on Facebook lately. I also deactivated Instagram for a while.

No, I didn’t swear off social media forever. I didn’t throw my phone into the jungle, even though I probably should. I’m not making some grand statement nor am I suggesting that everyone else do the same.

However, the older I get, the more I value my privacy, and not because I’m hiding anything, but because I’ve realized that not everything needs an audience like nobody really needs to know what I ate for dinner, who I am with, or what recipe I experimented with today. (Although, if you want my pickle recipes, I am happy to share).

It made me stop and ask myself some uncomfortable questions.

Why do I spend so much time sharing my life with actual strangers on the internet? And to what end?
Is sharing in this way in my best interest of meeting a value I have of privacy?

When I look back over the past decade on social media, I can honestly say it’s been a mixed bag. I’ve met incredible people. Some have become real friends. I’ve built a business. I’ve shared pieces of my story that I hope helped someone else feel less alone, and I was able to connect to readers of my novel, Between Here & Paradise.

For all of that, I’m grateful. But somewhere along the way, I confused being seen with being known.

People knew what I was doing, where I was traveling, what I was cooking, what I was reading, and what project I was working on. Yet many of those same people hadn’t actually talked to me in months or years, and quite frankly that feels a little creepy.

The more I thought social media would bring connection, it actually felt like the opposite. I realized I’d shared pieces of myself that probably belonged in conversations with people I trust (a very small group these days), not on a feed where hundreds of people could scroll past them in three seconds before moving on to funny cat videos and exhausting political arguments.

In addition, with each post, it’s an invitation to others to comment—good, bad or ugly. Most of the times it’s positive, but sometimes it’s not. Social media also has become a monster where people feel they can say negative things to others hiding behind a keyboard, where they don’t have the guts to say things in person, avoiding personal responsibility of reasoning things out with one another. I asked myself, “is engaging this way beneficial to my mental and emotional well-being?”.

I am not so sure these days.

Social media has become exhausting to my soul. Not everything on social is bad, and I have found value from it in ways, but it’s technically designed for one thing to keep my attention, and not on what’s in front of me.

I’ve learned that where my focus goes, so does my energy.

Attention is one of the most valuable things we own. It’s not just the time wasted spent scrolling, it’s what I don’t notice when I am engrossed in my phone. Moments such as the beautiful pink sunset, or the howl of the monkeys, or fully listening to the person in front of me.

Consumption vs. creation.

I have fallen deeply into the trap of consuming, rather than creating, and limiting social media is the best way to get back on track.

The internet has convinced us that being constantly informed is somehow productive. That if we miss one news story, one trending audio, or one viral post, we’ll be left behind.

We won’t.

The world will keep spinning.

Which is why, if you don’t see me post all the time, or sharing like I used to, it’s because I want to focus on what’s in front of me.

I want to be a creator, not a consumer.

I am not here to tell you how to live YOUR LIFE, but I do know that I have a responsibility at times to share the changes I am making to live mine.

So if you don’t see me, or don’t hear from me, consider it a blessing. That means I am focused on what is in front of me. I am intent more on being PRESENT, than engaging in mindless online chatter, or sharing parts of my life that really should be private.

Privacy is a right, and a privilege, and I don’t want to continue to give mine up so easily, just to gain a few seconds of your attention on social media.